September 2009
58 posts
My eyes hurt. Awful nightmare. I don’t know how i’m getting through three classes today. I better go shower so I look somewhat normal to the people sitting around me. My french teacher didn’t post our assignment on the french website, guess I’m not doing it then? I feel like I could snap.
Are you done yet? Because quite honestly, you’re wasting not just your time, but mine as well. I don’t really care and I really don’t plan on feeding into you. You can go leech somewhere else.
I wish that today had been one of those beautiful fall days, not one of the gloomy ones. and I miss you.
For some reason, the only time i can sleep for more than four hours is if i’m sleeping next to you.
There are always those people that we meet, or hear about, or once knew,
that we think are bad people. I don’t think they’re bad, I think they’re just empty.
For some reason I feel kind of down right now. I’m going to go
take a hot bath and then wrap myself in a blanket and write. I’ve
decided that tomorrow I’m taking pictures because my backyard
already has leaves on the ground. I’m going to buy new paint and
paint a scene from a favorite movie. Souhaiter que vous étiez ici.
There I sat, with my entire step family. I hadn’t seen them in a long while. My aunt is having a baby boy in five months and complains about how much she’s eating, my brother sits reading his book and occasionally looks up to answer my uncle’s questions about graphic design, my cousin and aunt sit on the couch talking and watching something on the television, my sister sits and...
Even those with the worst memory recall the details of days filled with love.
Why pretend to be a family, when you’ve never felt like one? Everything is always seperated in this household. This doesn’t feel like a home. Is that why being at my house just puts me in a weird mood? It’s cold here. The people around me feel cold, my room is cold, my bed is cold. This family makes me feel like the best actress in the world. Today i will smile and laugh like...
Sustaining Autumn
Colors morphing; blending,
a crisp breeze sneaks in,
smacking against my cheekbones.
The cold weather is harsh to me each year.
I know the same goes for you.
With my icey fingertips,
I’ll try and hold your chin up for you
whenever you can’t.
“You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from...”
– Jonathan Safran Foer
Click here to help →
My stepmom, Joan, a very recent Breast Cancer Survivor, is walking in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in October. If you want to support her, any donation counts. Thank You.
“If it’s on you, I’m a fan of anything.”
– a.k.k.
“But, if you look closely you might see someone like you. Someone trying to find their way; someone trying to find their place; someone trying to find their self. Sometimes it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one in the world who’s struggling, who’s frustrated, or unsatisfied at barely getting by. But, that feeling is a lie and if you just hold on; just find the courage to face it all for...
“Whether or not you write well, write bravely”
– Bill Stout
Don't worry, i'm here.
You’re as fake as the moans that you make.
And you’re as weak as the hearts that you break.
Waiting for his muse, his poetry in the shape of a girl.
Vanish.
The Missing Piece Meets the Big O →
click this and enjoy.
“You were just a boy, on a bed, in a room; like a kaleidoscope is a tube full of...”
nobody loses all the time
“Life is not what you thought it was. refrigerator magnets don’t always make the best poetry. beauty can be ugly or hidden in the most unlikely of things- just remember that. keys do not only open doors, but lock things away. water can be a mirror but a mirror is never water. if you are thirsty, do not eat. if your head hurts, it’s okay to scream louder. you don’t have to...
“There are nearly thirteen million people in the world. None of those people are...”
– Synecdoche, New York
Some people don’t get it and never will. But that’s okay.
I try not to have too high of expectations with some people.
10:15pm
Average number of laughs a person has in a day: 17. If we’re accepting giggles in this count, i’m past this number.
I’ve been slowly getting used to the flow and way of being home for this semester. It’s not as bad as i had thought it would be. But I seriously can’t wait to get out of here and be away at school where I can decide what I’m doing and where...
It smells like fall. Hello, fall. I've missed you.
“There is nothing more valuable than having someone in your life that reminds you...”
Typical.
Me: Like you…you’re bad at being tall.
Katie: It’s not a skill!
For the past month
I’ve been having dreams that my house is on fire; that I’m back in my old apartment with my mom and it’s on fire; that anywhere I am is on fire. And the other day the dorm i stayed in had a very small fire and they had to clear everyone out. I know my house in eighth grade burnt down, but it’s been some time now. What is going on with this? I don’t get it.
6:44pm
Busy few days. Which is always a good thing. Drive to Queens with some ladies, most ridiculous night of karaoke-caught-broken windows-no ride, but agreed that it was a success. Home to clean some floors. Driving to a boy. A night of driving and sweatshirts. Warm arms. Next day fire madness from 1am to 5am. then finally warm arms again. Each moment gets better than the one before.
Sorry to...
“I feel you from the floor to the ceiling.”
– Maxwell, Bad Habits
1:59pm
In a world where nothing seems to ever add up, you’re the one thing that does.
“He talked to her again, as friends. It’s been a while, but his eyes were just as...”
9:27am
Early cookie baking. Getting stuff together. Class from 12:15-4:20…but leaving at 4:00. Craft store briefly. Driving to Montclair. There til thursday morning.
Here it goes!
“You see the thing is, I love us. and this. and you. but mostly you.”
You made my night before. I can’t wait. These clocks are ticking 5x too slow. Time doesn’t stop for anyone, but could it fast forward just a little bit?
I love you. even when things are a little less than perfect. i care about you. that’s all that matters. so keep your chin up gorgeous.
“Life is messy. Love is messier.”
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is… if you don’t risk everything, you risk even more.
2:50am
I’m trying to remember what it felt like before I knew what was going on. you know when you’re like 7 years old and finally understand that things suck. …I think I always knew.
I knew my parent’s couldn’t love each other. And I knew that the peach marker was in no way, the right color for our skin tone. I don’t know where this is coming from…
You see, I still used the peach marker, because...
10:27pm
Welp, the semester has officially begun with the end of my first week of classes. I guess being home and commuting isn’t as awful as I had thought it would be. But I feel like I owe that to a few people who are keeping me sane while I’m doing this. I can’t wait for this semester to come to an end, It will go a lot quicker than I think it will. You can always count on time to go...
“Someone walked past me today that must wear the same cologne as you. Stopped me...”
