September 2010
82 posts
My left eye is starting to close before my right one, again. I thought this went away.
The space behind my eyes is burning. My brain, perhaps? My body is in a melting stage. And all I want is the safety of arms. I’ve been way too excited for fall to come already. I love the chill that hurts your teeth when you breathe in. Things are moving. And I’m working on them.
Machine by Regina Spektor
I like you exactly how you are, no embellishments necessary.
August 2010
88 posts
I get chills down my spine at the weirdest moments and over the weirdest things.
A few days ago we slept many hours nose to nose. I was awake for most of them, which you didn’t know. I just had to make sure I was taking a moment to soak in the warmth of you intertwined with me, making me feel safe. Due to the light leaking through the crack of your door, I could see your eyes flutter and I wondered what was picking through your dreams.
“Tracy, I love you girl. Even when you’re silent.”
– Emilija Bitinaityté
(E.B. & R.N.) I know that 90% of the time It can be hard for me to open up to you two. And even though I make it difficult, you still stand your ground and pull on strings until I spit up some sentences. I’m trying to work on that. As much as we might sometimes bicker, you two are my girls and you can always find a way to make me smile and laugh. Thank you.
Sidenote: I’ve learned over the past year that Lemon-drop Martinis bring people together.
Can we take a day and sit down in comfortable chairs. Across from each other. Drink some coffee or tea and talk about things, things we only ever talk about on longer drives. Things that are scary to talk about in daylight. Bigger than this, than us, than all of it. I can only be honest about the swirls in my mind with you. I still want you, but you know that. So I have to stop saying it to avoid...
I have the misfortune of being able to say that my camera died today. Death by merlot. At least it went out with a bang? You will be missed.
Today is my birthday. I’m twenty-one. But my stomach is inside out.
Today my blowdryer set on fire as I was using it.
“It is important to remember that we
all have magic inside us.”
– J.K. Rowling
Old Perfume by Amy Millan
Please center me.
Dark Side by Polly Paulusma
Some people are simply carbon copies of an image I’ve seen time and time again.
Thank you for being a soul to see inside.
A can of worms. Bumped, knocked; —yet again. Both parties fumbling to the ground. Handfuls. Shoving worms back into their cozy container. Bumping elbows the whole time.
T: There is a balance here that I feel most people don't have. And I think that says something.
K: Oh definitely, I don't know, relationships are so hard to describe, but it seems like it's important to find the person that makes you feel centered, even when nothing else does?
T: I completely agree with that. It’s like everything crashes but he could just tell me it will be okay and I actually believe him. And it’s not me depending on him. It’s just me genuinely believing him…because I don’t believe many people.
K: That's a perfect way of describing it. The differentiating between dependence and believing. I love that.
Side-note: What the hell goes through a strangers’ mind when they look at me?
One day.
Some days, I’m just everything wanting to only be something. But other days, I’m only something craving to be everything. You are my craving. And you are most of my somethings. You are in my head. Where are you hiding up there? You’ve found a corner and some days my lights don’t hit your face enough for me to find you. Good hiding spot.
“And you want to hold onto that little fiber of something. Because that tiny little fiber is worth so much. You step back, and some times when you step back you see that the blanket is starting to fray. But that doesn’t matter, it will be okay. Because you have that fiber. You have that thread. That’s what love is about: Rebuilding the blanket.” -Rebecca Neill
My courage is running dry. My hopes are running dry.
Be Be Your Love by Rachel Yamagata
I’m pouring out of myself. And in the same moment, caving into myself. I just have too much going on in my head to form sentences with my voice. I don’t know what’s going on up inside my mind. I do and I don’t. I need something to be still. This is where I feel I might drown. And I don’t feel two hands holding my head above water.
I am uncovered. And it scares me.
“I love you and it’s getting worse.”
– Joseph Morris
K: Look at you. You’re so smitten right now.
T: Stop it!
K: *laughs* It’s cute. You really love him.
T: *scrunches nose*
“She’s Got a Way About Her” by Billy Joel is one of my favorite songs. Go ahead, judge.
We drank wine. Red stained teeth. I stretched my muscles out. My bones crackling. We laughed and squinted our eyes. And I wanted to tell you how much I loved you. But I know I’ve tried to say it before and it just comes out silly. I just sound silly. But I don’t think I need to try and tell you, I know that you know. And I know that you’d say that it was dangerous and that I...
Breakable by Ingrid Michaelson
I can’t even grasp that today is a year. 365 days? What. Time flies, huh?
“The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.”
– Flora Whittemore
Ghosts of the past: Where are you guys coming from? I can’t even set my mind on this. I’m tired of being tired of ghosts. Just take a step back. And then stay there. That might have not made much sense. But it does to me. Yup.
Call me crazy, I’ll just agree with a smile. And love you all the while.
I’m not about to play childish games. Please refrain from trying to drag me into them. People really know how to confuse the hell out of me sometimes. If you’re going to act like an adult, please do it all the time and not just 14% of the time. Please and thank you.
I guess sometimes you just love someone. You know that you will love them. You don’t know, but you really do. It’s just strange. I’m rambling in a way that doesn’t make any sense. I try and execute it in writing, but it doesn’t come out right. But it makes sense in my head. And it shocks me. And I can deny it, or you can deny it, or the other people...
